we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
