So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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