did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
