I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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