i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sober January is a disaster.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
