i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
