Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
