Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
