Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
