The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
