she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
