If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
