I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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