I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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