just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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