So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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