I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
