I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
