that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
