does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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