People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
