If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
