please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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