Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
