soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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