I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
