hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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