I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
