Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
