its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
