Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
