CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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