we're blogging at a bar
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
