She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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