i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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