Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
