In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
