i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
