I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
