I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who died my cat blue again?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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