You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
