In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
