im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
