If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
