So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
