Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
