evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
