turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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