I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
