it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
