Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
