he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
