I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ttyl tear gas
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
